O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
