every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
