That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
