i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
