the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
