A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
