I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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