Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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