hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
