so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
