He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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