he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
