im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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