is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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