i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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