Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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