She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
