I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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