Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
