just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
