Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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