Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
