I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
