Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
