I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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