Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Randomize