Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
