plz talk dirty to me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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