oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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