Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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