I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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