I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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