I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
