Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
