Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
