Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
