ugly people sure do ruin things
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
