it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
