Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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