Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
