that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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