do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
