I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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