I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
