I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
