he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
