Sorry, I don't speak sober.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
