Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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