I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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