apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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