btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
