my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
