My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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