im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
