If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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