Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
