I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
