I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
