does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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