im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
