the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize