im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
