She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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