Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
