Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think I sprained my soul last night
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
