I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
