i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize